Life and circumstances rarely unfold in a straight chronological line exactly the way we want. It doesn’t matter who you are; we will all have those moments where we have to choose to honor true happiness, the happiness that is born of honoring and respecting our true sense of self-love and worthiness.
Over eleven years ago, my life spiraled into a frenzy of complication. My life was on full throttle of doing more and more to make it right. Running on a ton of “effort-ing” to get a feeling I could never quite arrive at. My husband and I were married for ten years before we started having children. At one point, all the people around us thought we were this inspiring amazing couple to look up to and emulate. And the truth of the matter is, for the level of maturity we had at that point of our lives, maybe we were.
However, when we started having children, the stakes of life changed. There was a little human being who was watching our lives now, getting all the hard wiring and foundation of how to navigate the world. I found that my personal fantasy of what a family “should be” was running and ruling me. When I was not treated with respect, I shoved it down in the name of keeping the family peace.
I lived in how I imagined a family was ‘supposed’ to be. It was when I was pregnant with my second child, I realized how much my life energy was spent nurturing others, including my husband, my son, and now this new baby growing inside of me. All this was at the expense of my own inner well-being.
My life had slowly become exhausting in every sense, from all the outpouring and without replenishing myself on the inside.
During my second pregnancy, I experienced a defining moment where I became consciously aware of how much emotion I was shoving down inside myself. Where was I shoving it? Deep down inside me. What was inside me? A growing baby. I knew this wasn’t right. It didn’t feel good. What did I do? I began to fight back for the injustice in my personal family life.
I fought back with rebuttals for disrespectful words spoken to me. I risked sounding like a nag asking for what I thought was fair reciprocation for nurturing the family unit. I went full throttle into a business venture to give myself financial freedom, so I could gain the respect in my family life and make everything okay. I was under the illusion that if I had more financial power, I would then have the respect I craved and could keep my family unit intact.
As time passed, the more at odds my husband and I became. My business venture was not working. I didn’t like what our relationship had become. Our life had changed, and it felt like the relationship couldn’t keep up with the demands and responsibilities of both business and family affairs each of us had created. Then, one day my sister in law said to me: “What has happened to you two; you used to be the light in the family, and now it is like you both are the darkness.”
Her comment penetrated right to my soul. She was right, I thought to myself, “Look at who I have become. This isn’t who I am.” I felt so outside of my life at the time. It was as if someone else was living inside my life, and the life I knew I was supposed to be living was on pause in some distant future dream.
I put down my sword of blame and self-defense. I took off the blindfold and quit the fight. I surrendered. I gave up all the exhausting “effort-ing” and trying. Trying to fix him. Trying to fix it all. Hot-wiring and fixing all the aspects of my outside circumstances to find a connection that was already there, inside of me.
During this same time, my brother, my earth angel, said to me, “You are so much more than this whole experience. Just stop GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY. Come to the understanding that you don’t need anything from anyone…NO ONE, not your business partners, not your husband (now my former husband), no one, just start living your truth.”
I began to make the choice to no longer continue free-falling away from my life. I was going to look up, embrace the truth of my natural worthiness, claim my happiness, and then walk back inside my life. Everything changed. Some of my changes happened quickly, and some slowly. I had made the shift, step by step.
What I have now come to understand is that we give away our power to someone or something outside of ourselves because the connection to our inherent worthiness has become disconnected, disowned or disassociated within our true sense of self. Giving our power away is a life symptom, not the underlying problem.
We disassociate from our true sense of self by so many unconscious acts of people pleasing. Twisting and bending our life energy to accommodate.
Saying “yes” when we should say “no”.
Saying “no” when we should be saying “yes”.
Not even having our authentic connection between the “yes” and “no” known to ourselves.
Constantly pushing ourselves to do more.
Doing more shows up in such subtle ranges that it can go on for years before the toll is paid.
The depleting effects on our life energy over-extended with constant doing can go unchecked because it is most often viewed as highly productive functionality. Over-working. Over-giving. Constantly busy. Constantly fixing something or someone because we are a great problem solver, giver, helper, teacher, nurturer or do-er.
Then, there is the energy of needing to be more. The constant push of never being complete enough within ourselves. There is a vast majority who aren’t even happy with their very own physical bodies. Living with acts of self-betrayal on so many levels. Pushing, rushing, running toward a feeling that we never quite get to arrive at. Shortchanging ourselves from true self-love and honoring. The constant external push of never quite being, doing or having enough often blocks the connection that restores our deep sense of worthiness. We ultimately truly want to rest inside our lives. Our very own bodies need that from us.
Find your way to create a practice around your self-love and honoring your worthy self.
You are worthy of your best happy life!
When? Now. That’s all we have.
Get radical in your self-love and self-kindness. Nourish your worthiness.
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Worthiness is at the very heart of life.
Restore the connection to your inherent worthiness and experience your profound shift into sufficiency. Let no barrier block you from claiming your divine birthright to be worthy.
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