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My Family’s Story on Death, Loss and Grief

My Family’s Story on Death, Loss and Grief

My Family’s Story on Death and Loss… May 6th was his birthday. This was a date my mom always acknowledged every year as I was growing up. This is the only whole family photo we have. It was an unplanned family photo and quickly taken one day. (That’s me next to my baby brother on the right!) That sunny August midwestern day, I remember the air was heavy. The humidity was sweltering as my dad placed in my little seven-year-old hands a big pair of scissors. He told me to go outside to the flower beds and cut fresh flowers. I don’t remember the other flowers that surrounded the grand, gigantic green fountain; I just remember the snapdragons. Yes, the snapdragons. The name itself “snapdragons” seemed so magical to me. I remember loving the bursting color gradients, I cut heaping handfuls in every color combination. Hours later that same day, I stood shoulder to shoulder with my three brothers and little sister in front of our baby brother’s casket. I remember fighting my tears and how badly I wanted to cry. This was my first funeral. I didn’t know if I was supposed to cry. Just the day before, life was an ordinary day as my youngest brother, a year and half old, woke up bright and happy for life in our shared bedroom. No one knew by the end of the night, life in our family would forever be changed when he accidentally drowned in our family pool. I remember he looked like a statue of an angel lying in his casket as each of us placed our fresh...

Touched By Love

Today, I discovered a post my twelve year old put on the internet that I never knew about. How does that happen? I am an in touch mom. My boys have very closely monitored electronic lives.

Went to Bed Crying Last Night

Last night, I went to bed crying. Wow! I had definitely went through many nights in the past of distraught feelings, with wanting my life to be different. Those nights were spent crying alone in bed. However, last night was different! I went to bed laughing so hard, I was crying! All cuddled in my covers with pillows, I was in my comfortable spot ready to fall asleep….when Jack started a conversation that spiralled into such a hilarious realm, I was laughing out of control; so hard I was crying! Wow! Can life re-shape itself when we are willing to let go of the parts of our lives that are not loving us? To allow the love that matches our heart’s desires to come forth? On this Easter Sunday the symbol of resurrection from the highest part of life is honored. I wish for all to know the power that is held within our lives to resurrect the greatest change toward a life that is loving and feels great. In the beginning of 2010, I wrote a list in my Vision Book of my truest dreams, I wanted to bring forth in my life. Here is an example of only a couple of my listed desires…. To be so happy with my life that a smile illuminates strongly and radiantly from me that I am oozing with happiness! I work with fun people who surround me with laughter! I had no idea that shortly after I wrote my list about so much of what was true to my heart that I would begin working on a business project with...

A Story of Some of America’s Favorite-Baseball & Ice Cream!

A Story of Some of America’s Favorites - Baseball & Ice Cream! Life is good. I am happy and having fun. Last night, CJ had a baseball game. He was opening pitcher, played first base and short stop. He did so many amazing things it’s too much to list…made two double plays: he caught a line drive up the first baseline, tagged 1st base runner out, hit solid double into the outfield; and the list of feats goes on and on. He played so outstanding. It was pure excitement the whole game. Jack calls me in the middle of the baseball game and tells me… He has an emergency situation. He thinks something might be wrong with him physically. While he is saying this my boy is pitching, there was crowd noise because of the game’s full on action. I can barely hear Jack, his call is cutting in and out. I ask him, “Are you serious? Is something wrong?” He says, “Yes!” Now, my insides start to get that weird shaky feeling when something is wrong. I ask Jack again about what is going on…. he says, “I could go into convulsion at any time if I don’t get ice cream soon!” After I let out a big sigh and good laugh, I tell Jack: “You scared the crap out of me. I’m in the middle of this exciting game, my son is pitching. I thought you had a serious problem! I’ve got to go!!!” As we hang up, he still says one more time…this is an emergency, I need some ice cream very soon. For those who...

Start Here – Take ME as I am

When Mary J. Blige performed this song on Oprah sometime in 2006, I was in the middle of major course correction in my life. In my career, in my friendships, in my marriage and every aspect of my life, I desired so deeply in my heart to have my life reflect the love and truth I knew each and every one of us are meant to live. I had this performance on my TIVO box and I would watch it over and over again to stay true to this  re-direction in my life. I deeply embraced Mary J Blige’s performance into my heart like a calling of truth directed specifically to me. I let her energy penetrate every cell in me that knew this was my call home to myself. The deeper part of me knew a more loving and truthful life was waiting my arrival if I just kept walking in that direction step by step. I had so much change that took place over the next few years that followed. Change in career, change in friendships, a change in an eighteen year marriage, I had to be willing to let so much of the old energetic circles dissolve that couldn’t take me as the truth of who I am. I embraced all the change, knowing that if I stayed in the love and truth of who I am, I would make it ‘home’ again. I got there….I found such deep love and peace in my heart that it didn’t matter how alone I was or how little money I had. I knew my life was going to...